Congresswoman Pramila Jayapal speaks to the crowd at the Kerry Park pro-choice rally on May 3rd, 2022.
For me, abortion is one of the scariest topics to speak out on, and I feel hesitant to ever write about it because of how sensitive of a topic it is. However, that is the exact reason that we need to talk about it.
I had the privilege of attending one of the many pro-choice protests that have been occurring throughout Seattle on May 3, and it was an even greater privilege to get to know a few of the hundred people standing at Kerry Park alongside me.
What I learned from my conversations with these women, who were kind enough to share some of their most personal stories with me, is that those who have received or may receive abortions are misunderstood by pro-lifers.
When we hear people condemn abortion, we often hear them make arguments on behalf of the unborn, claiming that fetuses have no choice and are undeserving of their life being taken.
This is a very narrow-minded and one-dimensional way to think about abortion, and it has me wondering: Have any pro-lifers taken the time to hear stories from people who have been faced with this decision?
Nobody, religious or not, can “kill a baby” without any kind of remorse. Why do pro-lifers continue to villainize and criminalize the act of an abortion when, for some people, it is the most emotionally painful thing they will ever go through?
The problem with the conversations around abortion is that we make the decision a competition of morals — a question of who has the view that is the most “right” or “morally sound.” When we are caught up in winning this competition, we forget to empathize. We forget the practice of assuming that people have good intentions and good hearts.
I understand why both sides think they are the “most right.” However, I can’t pretend to understand what it is like to be in this position. I also can’t pretend to know what I would do if I was faced with this decision.
This is why I don't think it is fair for anyone to dictate another person’s choices when they really don’t have the context or understanding of the choice.
It is very hypocritical when you think about it. If the whole premise of the pro-life camp is that fetuses should be able to decide the course of their life, and that abortion takes this right away, doesn’t overturning Roe v. Wade and other abortion protections take the right to decide the course of their life away from the person who’s actually pregnant?
There is a lack of effort when discussing polarizing topics to try and understand opinions that are not in alignment with your own. Abortion debates, in my opinion, lack this effort the most.
If a political belief ties into another one of your identities, it becomes harder to let go of this belief — it is part of who you are.
If you are pro-life, you believe in the idea of “autonomy” for unborn fetuses. If you are pro-choice, you are someone who believes in prioritizing bodily autonomy and freedom of choice for grown people. This difference in beliefs makes abortion that much more difficult to compromise on; still, some form of compromise is essential for our government to fulfill its purpose.
When I was younger and in an argument with my sister, my mom would say, “Put yourself in her shoes, can you see why she might be angry, too?” If a 5-year-old was able to understand empathy, why can’t adults?
Has the golden rule to treat others as you would want to be treated not been preached to all of us since childhood?
A pro-lifer would then argue, “Well, you wouldn’t want to be ‘murdered,’ would you?” In response, I would argue, “Well, you wouldn’t want someone to make decisions about your body for you.” I know this point to be true given the number of pro-lifers who had an aversion to something as simple as masking during the pandemic.
Pro-lifers should put themselves in the shoes of someone who has or could receive an abortion, so that they can attempt to understand what being pro-choice really means.
“I recently moved from Indiana and about eight years ago, I was pregnant with my second child,” Lynae Kibiger, a senior epidemiologist at the Washington State Department of Health, said. “She was deemed non-viable by the third trimester, and I asked my doctor if I could induce and let her die in my arms. I was refused because it was deemed an abortion. I suffered from polyhydramnios and had difficulty breathing. They had to remove fluid from my abdomen so I could breathe better. I also was at risk for death and mirror syndrome, based on the condition my daughter had, which was hydrops fetalis, and I moved to Washington to protect my eldest daughter and make sure she had access to abortion.”
“I was actually at an event yesterday, at another political event, and I was there with my mom,” Yasmin Trudeau, a Washington state senator, said at the Kerry Park rally. “My mom and I are 14 years apart, and she had very limited choices in whether she decided to have children, access to education, and [was] very much part of the community that we know is going to be most vulnerable to something like this moving forward. I remember I looked over at her, and she doesn’t follow politics, she doesn’t follow the Supreme Court, and we just had this moment of, I don’t know, mother-daughter solidarity. She actually reached out and touched my tummy, because we just found out I’m having a girl, and she was like, ‘If you get a chance, fight for the babies and fight for your baby so nobody has to live the way that I lived when I was young.’ It was such a low moment, but it was such a bonding moment, and that’s how I feel about today. I think we’ve felt these bittersweet feelings for the last however many years, and I’m just so proud to be in Washington and to stand with my colleagues, where it’s not even a question, it’s not up for debate.”
“This is something very deeply personal to me because my nana married, back in the day, my grandfather [who] was an Air Force man who was stationed over in her country,” Janell Duey, interim chief legal counsel and director of regulatory compliance at Planned Parenthood Great Northwest, Hawaii, Alaska, Indiana, Kentucky, said. “She had five kids by the time she was 26; she only wanted one. She didn’t have any choice in the matter. She didn’t finish her education. She never got to live life to the fullest, especially since her country was bombed to hell. She straight-up tells me, ‘Janell, I live vicariously through you. Do all the things that I could never do.’”
These deeply personal stories show us that these women are anything but villains and, frankly, I’m tired of hearing that they are. We need to revert back to the idea that people seeking abortions, people who simply want access to health care, have nothing but good intentions.
Before my mom had me, she was pregnant with twin boys who were diagnosed with twin-to-twin transfusion syndrome. My parents were told that these boys would likely not survive. One of these boys died before birth; one of them lived for 10 days.
My mom did not receive an abortion, but if it had come down to it, and my mom was going to die because of her pregnancy, she would have needed access to an abortion. If she was not granted this procedure, my mom would have died, and my sister and I would not have been born.
If abortion was not available, somebody would have been taking my freedom to live, my freedom of choice, away from me.
I am grateful to live in the state of Washington and the city of Seattle, and to know the stories of very strong individuals.
I am also grateful to know that, after attending the rally at Kerry Park, our elected officials and Planned Parenthood workers plan to continue unapologetically protecting our rights to this health care. Many of our community leaders want us, college students, to know that our right to decide the course of our lives will remain protected.
Reach writer Mary Murphy at opinion@dailyuw.com. Twitter: @marymurphy301
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(2) comments
Here is a link of the draft Supreme Court Ruling. If published this would move the issue of abortion from the Federal Government back to the individual states where it belongs. It makes for interesting but at times dry reading. What ever side you are on I encourage you to read this for both the historical and legal context. https://www.documentcloud.org/documents/21835435-scotus-initial-draft
The author makes a commendable effort to bridge the gap, but didn't seem to talk to any pro-lifers. All while giving the usual lecture about empathy.
What one can take away from this article is that extreme positions muddle the discussion. Activists bang the loudest drums, but most Americans are content with abortion if it saves the life of the mother or if it is in the first trimester. Giving the issue back to the states would give citizens a more direct way of resolving the unborn child's moral value and the mother's autonomy.
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